The Worst Thing in the World Isn't So Bad

Do you know what I think the worst thing in the world is?

Loneliness.

It feels like a ruined art project. You stare at a blank canvas, and hope rises in your throat, swollen with possibilities.

You raise your fistful of color and press the paintbrush or marker or crayon to that endless white space, envisioning just what shapes you will bend and what beauty you will produce. But the first stroke is laughable. It looks childish and out of place and not what it's supposed to be.

That's what loneliness feels like. Like everything is not what it's supposed to be.

It's like a Pandora station that consistently plays The Killers when you asked very nicely for The White Stripes; something that's not what it's supposed to be.

But my kindergarten art teacher, who incidentally never learned to pronounce my name right, once said that art is never ruined, but that you just have to work with what you've got. Even if it's not what you envisioned. And I know that sometimes being lonely is healing and healthy and good, especially for me who loves to be surrounded by people.

So I'll guess I'll acknowledge and accept my loneliness and know that it's okay. Sometimes I need to be forced into spending time with myself, and with Jesus. Sometimes what I want for myself is not what I need.

And also, I really do like The Killers. Almost as much as The White Stripes.