2013 (and beyond.)

It's been an absolutely marvelous winter break so far, and so much has happened that would make excellent material for my December post. But I just saw Les Mis (for the second time) this afternoon and I'm feeling a bit dreamy, etc. In any case, I decided to dedicate this post to some desires of mine for this next year.

17 Desires for 2013

By Caetlyn Norman

1. Read 10 classics.
2. Travel to an exciting city.
3. Babysit more.
4. Learn to dance. (a little)
5. Get over my fear of the interstate.
6. Expand my artistic pallet. (translated "visit an art gallery and refrain from judging")
7. Improve my music reading skills.
8. Get to know my neighbors.
9. Invest time in my sisters' lives.
10. Go on a date.
11. Eat more healthfully.
12. Commit to going to yoga more often.
13. Be more adventurous.
14. Spend my weekday afternoons with purpose and intention. (so, do my homework)
15. Learn to love Jesus more everyday.
16. Give of myself.
17. Wear less makeup.

Grace for Juice Gulpers

I was sitting at my kitchen table one morning, velcro shoes swinging and wild hair frizzing, attempting to drink my orange juice out of a cofee-stirrer straw.

Why I remember this strange moment so clearly, I have no idea. But my little-girl philosophy has followed me into teenagehood, so I suppose I should take this moment seriously. Analyze it, try to make sense of it.

Anyway, there I was, straining to sip my favorite drink through that tiny opening, slurping and causing my mother a considerable amount of distress. And when she asked me why I insisted on drinking through that ridiculously small contraption, I told her:

"I enjoy things more when I have to work for them."

And as the seven-year-old me spoke these words, I felt an immense sense of satisfaction. Certainly those that work hard for their earnings are better than those that don't. I knew immediately that I was above those spoiled kindergardeners who simply brought their orange juice to their mouths in large, messy gulps. They didn't deserve the juice if they weren't willing to work for it like I was. In fact, I intentionally made the task of drinking more difficult just to prove how worthy I was of the tangy goodness.

Oh, how wrong I was.
Oh, how wrong I still am.

I am seven-year-old Caetlyn every single day of my life.
I sit in front of an ocean of freshly-squeezed orange juice, and yet I refuse to drink freely. I bring my sad little straw with me and bruise my cheeks in my effort to do things "The Right Way". I refuse to accept that anything as sweet as orange juice, as sweet as unconditional love, as sweet as grace, could be mine without me earning it. So I make rules for myself and others. I judge, I compare. I stick my  straw in places where it shouldn't be.

And then Jesus, being the magnificent savior He is, breaks that straw into a thousand pieces.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8

Did you know, friends, that orange juice taste so much much sweeter when gulped straight from the glass?

We Still Love You, Boys

The opening game.

Students file through the gates, dripping red and black.

Metal bleachers groan under the weight of sweaty bodies, packed like sardines and buzzing with anticipation.

Spontaneous chants break out in a frenzy; morale is high and loud.

And the question, like an unspoken plea, rolling around everyone's mind:

Is this the year we win?

Surely, this is the year.

Our boys have worked so hard.

The coaching staff is fresh and ready with a new plan.

We threw such a good pep rally, painted beautiful signs, wore so much paraphernalia; certainly our support is enough to make it happen.

But as the valiant team fights hard against boys that are bigger, faster, and better prepared, the answer to everyone's question becomes obvious: Not this year. 

The minutes tick by and the scoreboard reluctantly reveals what no one wants to accept: we're just not good enough. 

And then the chant begins. Slowly, cautiously at first, but growing louder as the loyal fans recover from their disappointment. Because we're not here for the win, but here for the team. Our team.

"We still love you."

In those moments, I am reminded where I've heard this kind of unconditional love before. 

When I'm up until 2 in the morning doing AP homework because I didn't manage my time well.

I still love you.

When I hurt my mom because I had a terrible day and I'm feeling worthless.

I still love you.

When I am selfish, reckless, or uncaring.

I still love you.

So thank you, Ravenwood High School for modeling unconditional love to your team and your community. And thank you, Jesus. For loving me no matter who I am or what I do. I'm grateful for  You and hope to be more like You.

And remember: we still love you, boys.

What'll It Be?

"As soon as the school year starts, I have no life."

A quote from a heavily "involved" friend of mine. The four of us were sitting at a mentor's house, enjoying each other's company and wrapping up the last week of shared time and looking forward to the coming school year. It had been wonderful; full of picnics and talking, Heath Ledger & Chris Hemsworth movies, cheesecake, and simply being in each other's presence. Full of life.

And then begins what some would call drudgery.

Chloe has lacrosse workouts every day starting in October. Her long weekdays don't end with the ringing of a bell. Mental and physical alertness is demanded of her into the evening. Not to mention trying to squeeze in babysitting jobs to keep her Honda full of gas and ready to drive her fellow lax girls to workouts, games, and tournaments.

Isabella couldn't have been happier to make the Varsity cheer squad. She deserved it. Practices, conditioning, fundraisers and community service are what fill her calendar now. And just wait till football season starts. She'll cheer the boys on every Friday night and wake up the next two mornings, slip her swimsuit on and get to lifegaurding.

Mary Claire is not used to boys. No, really. This is her first year in several that she's not attending a private, all-girls' school. I can't imagine the stress. In the midst of her own chaos, MC has single-handedly started a youth worship program at the church her dad pastors at. With the help of the team she's put together, she is changing the way high school students view worship.

When I look at my friend's schedules, I don't see lack of life. In fact, I see just the opposite. I see Chloe's servant heart in her willingness to caravan her team all over the place. I see Isabella's fierce spirit in taking her roll as a leader seriously and not giving up even when it's hard. I see Mary Claire using her musical talent to change the culture she's living in. I see abundant life.

I see a three girls making a very important choice.

I have come that you may have life, and have it abundantly. - Jesus

Does Jesus offer us abundant life? Absolutely. But he doesn't say that we will have it. He says that we may.  If we want it. Our Creator has graced us with the greatest dignity of all: free will. We get to choose. In the way that we spend our time, in the responsibilities that we carry, we are allowed a decision.

When I try to do things on my own, I implode. I simply cannot juggle being a student, a mentor, a babysitter, and a friend. Yet those are the roles that have been entrusted to me. To step into those responsibilities and truly live an abundant life, I must trust it to Jesus. I have to decide to let go of my desperate control and allow my Savior to do for me what I can't do for myself.

Live in my passions.
Enjoy the work that I have been given to do.
Invest in healthy friendships.
Serve those around me.
Change the world.
Live abundantly.

Alone, the responsibilities of the day seem like drudgery. At the end of the day, I'm too weary from trying to check boxes that I don't have time to think about anyone else. Other people's burdens are overwhelming; can't you see I don't have time for you? But when I do things in the strength of Jesus, he carries the weight of the day. This opens up every possibility. I have time to invest in those around me. I am equipped to serve those in need. I can dream about what I'd like to do; I am free to pursue what I was meant to do.

So, what'll it be? You get to choose.

Answers

Bestselling author and book critic.

Award-winning voice-over artist.

Successful family and marriage therapist.

Famous stage actress.

Stay at home mom.

Missionary in Sudan.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do after high school?"

Why, not at all.

As I'm writing this, my younger sister is deeply in thought, sitting amongst piles of clothes meticulously spread about the room. Next week she starts High School; the perfect First Day Outfit must be identified. But the outfit is only the beginning of the identification process. The really hard stuff will come later.

What am I good at?
What can I do?
Why am I here?
Who am I?

Welcome to 14.

And in two years, she'll be sitting on the same floor, with the same clothes. By this point she'll be expected to have the self discovery process thoroughly figured out. This time different questions are being asked. This time it counts. The world demands answers.

"Where are you going to college?"
"Are you prepared to sacrifice your dreams to pursue a high income career?"
"How do you expect to make a living doing that?"

Heaven forbid she hasn't made up her mind yet. Lord help her should she decided to pursue her passions rather than paper. Society has made it clear: there is no room for desire in this world. We are to do whatever it takes to make it in this day and age. Forget what you are passionate about, what makes the most money? Wealth is synonymous with fulfillment.

And here is the danger: In our struggle to produce an answer to the world's tough questions, we have lost ourselves. We have killed desire and passion. We make our plans and design our futures without really knowing who we are. And worst of all, without being known by anyone else.

Does anyone know me?

Ah. Isn't this the question every human heart longs to have answered?

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. {Psalm 139:1}

Lord, you know me. Not just what I look like; you know my thoughts, feelings, and desires. For you created my inmost being. You give an answer to my desperate questions:

I have gifted you with skills unique to you.
You can do all things, when done in My strength.
You are here for My glory; I have prepared in advance good works for you to do.
You are Mine.

When I begin to believe this, it changes everything. I no longer have to scramble to make a future for myself. I have the freedom to pursue what I am passionate about. Because I serve a God who created me for a unique purpose, and who holds my future in His mighty hand. He knows me. Intimately. Deeply. He has promised that He will not let me fall. And this is not just for me. It's for everyone. The things that you excel at? The things that make you come alive? Do not ignore that. You were created for a unique purpose. And you are offered the freedom to pursue that. Will you accept?

"Do you you know what you're going to do after college?"

Why, not at all. But because the God of the universe created me and knows me, I know what I am gifted in. I know what I am passionate about. And I trust that He has a purpose for me here. So for now, I wait.

And in my waiting, do you know what God told me to do?

Write.